It Started with a Sneeze
by Suomynona
Summary: Humor fic. What's the worst thing that can happen to the great Kaiba Seto? ... A sneeze? o.0 One-shot humor.


Disclaimer: I do not own the towel I'm coughing in that's stained with my blood. Or Yugioh, for that matter.  
  
((Author's Note: This fic is meant only for humor purposes. It's my first humor fic that isn't in script form ^_^ I usually like writing in script form better for humor fics, but this one was a lot of fun to write ^_^  
  
Also, I think it's a Japanese superstition, but I'm not sure, that talking about someone behind their back can cause them to sneeze. You've probably heard of it before, I just thought I'd mention it just in case @_@))  
  
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There was a time that will always be remembered as "the time when everything changed." When a great, honored, respected man fell to very bottom and, if possible, fell even lower. At this point in time, time itself seemed to stand still so it could point and laugh.  
  
Kaiba Seto sneezed.  
  
Just sitting there at work, typing in something in his computer that only he could understand. A few of his top employees were also in that room, accidentally wrecking all his hard work. When the worst thing Kaiba-sama could possibly imagine made itself reality.  
  
And Kaiba knew it was coming, he felt the itch in his nose. Perhaps no one would notice? Impossible, it was so quiet at that moment, you could hear a pin drop. If only a pin did drop! It would have taken some of the awful embarrassment away from poor Kaiba-sempai. But no such luck.  
  
What was the great CEO to do? He had no choice in the matter. He sneezed.  
  
His employees turned and stared at him with raised eyebrows.  
  
"Are you ok, Kaiba-sama?" asked his secretary in concern.  
  
"Yes!" Kaiba declared. "Someone must have been talking about me!"  
  
Indeed, it must have been so. The great and powerful Kaiba Seto does not get sick.  
  
Kaiba glared at each one of his employees for signs of guilt. They each smiled back innocently.  
  
"It was not I, Kaiba-sama," said each one sincerely. "I would never talk about you behind your back!"  
  
"I shall find this mystery person who spoke of me behind my back!" declared Kaiba Seto, full of determination. "And I shall make them PAY!" And with that, Kaiba ran out of the room to find the "mystery talker".  
  
Outside of the Kaiba Corporation building stood Yuugi and his overly-annoying friends, Jounouchi and Anzu, who stood there only because they felt like it. They all witnessed Kaiba run out of his building and off in a random direction.  
  
"What do you think his problem is?" wondered Jounouchi out loud.  
  
"I'll find out!" declared Anzu, and ran off to go catch up with Kaiba.  
  
"Should we follow her?" asked Yuugi.  
  
"Nah," said Jounouchi, "if we wait long enough, they'll run around the entire world, and come back."  
  
Sure enough, as Jounouchi spoke, two people came running the opposite side of the city that Anzu and Kaiba left.  
  
"Oi, Anzu!" called Yuugi.  
  
The two runners stopped and walked up to Yuugi.  
  
"You're not Anzu..." realized Yuugi in embarrassment.  
  
"No," agreed the first runner.  
  
"Well, who are you?" asked Yuugi. "Wanna be friends?"  
  
"Ok!" exclaimed the runner, "and I'm just here jogging for the cure."  
  
"That's cool!" exclaimed Yuugi in equal excitement. "The cure for what?"  
  
"Insanity!"  
  
And with that, both joggers ran off again, but only after Yuugi gave them his life savings for their cause, and some valuable Duel Monsters cards for their friendship.  
  
"Well," said Yuugi happily, "I'm very happy! I've made some new friends!"  
  
"Yes, they seem like very nice people," agreed Jounouchi, "I hope they succeed in finding the cure for insanity."  
  
"How long do you think before Anzu and Kaiba-kun come back?" asked Yuugi.  
  
"Hmmmmmm.... I don't know, it could be a long time!" replied Jounouchi, "we better set up camp!"  
  
"Set up camp?" asked Yuugi, nervously.  
  
"Yes, we need some place to sleep! And you wouldn't want them to come back and not find us here, would you?"  
  
"So we're just going to set up a tent in the middle of the sidewalk here?"  
  
"Well, that's a stupid question, of course we are!" declared Jounouchi.  
  
"But what if Anzu and Kaiba-kun don't come back to this exact spot?" asked Yuugi.  
  
"Now you're just thinking crazy, Yuugi."  
  
"Do you have a tent, Jounouch-kun?"  
  
"No, I thought you did," said Jounouchi, scratching his head.  
  
"Why would I have a tent?"  
  
"Why do you wear your hair like that? Who knows the reasons for half the stuff you do, Yuugi!?"  
  
"Well, I don't have a tent."  
  
"Oh," said Jounouchi in disappointment. "Does the other you have a tent?"  
  
"How and why would a 5000-year-old Egyptian spirit have a tent?!" exclaimed Yuugi.  
  
"Would you just ask him?"  
  
"All right, fine."  
  
Jounouchi tapped his foot impatiently. "Did you ask him yet?"  
  
"Yes, he doesn't have a tent."  
  
"Oh dear," said Jounouchi. "I guess we'll just have to buy one."  
  
So Jounouchi and Yuugi went off to buy a tent, and the second they left, Kaiba and Anzu ran into that very area.  
  
"That's funny," commented Anzu, "This is where Jounouchi and Yuugi were. I wonder where they went."  
  
"Would you quit following me?!" demanded Kaiba. "I've got important stuff to do!"  
  
"Like what?" asked Anzu.  
  
"It's none of your concern!"  
  
Anzu now caught up with Kaiba and stood in front of him with her arms spread out.  
  
"It is SO my concern!" exclaimed Anzu. "Because you're my FRIEND and friends should know what's going on with each other! So whatever is your business is my business! Friendship, friendship, friendship!" Anzu then stood smugly, certain that Kaiba could not come up with a comeback to THAT.  
  
"We're not friends," said Kaiba simply.  
  
So Anzu plopped to the ground and started wailing at the top of her lungs. "We HAVE to be friends, Kaiba-kun! The world will come to an end if everyone's not friends with everyone! Friendship! Love! Peace! Friendship! Friendship!! FRIENDSHIP!!!"  
  
But Kaiba never heard her final words, because he had already ran off again to find his "mystery talker."  
  
Anzu became very discouraged that her friendship speech failed, so she ran off to find someone else who was as much a friendship freak as she is.  
  
The very second Anzu was out of sight, Yuugi and Jounouchi came back, both carrying hot dogs.  
  
"I don't know, Jounouch-kun," said Yuugi, "I'm not sure we should have spent all of our money on hot dogs when we still need a tent..."  
  
"Yuugi, you heard the hot dog salesman," replied Jounouchi. "This is our best deal!"  
  
Meanwhile, Kaiba was running along in a random direction to find whoever it was who spoke of him behind his back and made him sneeze, when he realized it could have been Anzu, so he turned around and ran back.  
  
"Jounouch-kun, how are these hot dogs going to help us any?" asked Yuugi. "I'm not even hungry."  
  
"Yuugi, you've got to learn to trust the hot dog salesmen, they're smart people!" replied Jounouchi. "And I'll eat your hot dog if you don't want it. Hey, is that Kaiba?"  
  
Sure enough, Kaiba was now running up into the area.  
  
"Oh man, not you two," moaned Kaiba as he approached.  
  
"Where's Anzu?" demanded Yuugi.  
  
"How am I supposed to know?!"  
  
"Wasn't she with you?" asked Yuugi.  
  
"Yes, but she isn't anymore, as you should be able to see," answered Kaiba.  
  
"What are you doing here?" asked Jounouchi.  
  
"Did either of you talk about me?"  
  
"No..."  
  
"Wait!" exclaimed Yuugi, "After you and Anzu ran off, we talked about you a little bit."  
  
"No, before that," said Kaiba impatiently.  
  
"I don't think so," answered Yuugi, puzzled.  
  
"Do you know anyone who did?"  
  
Yuugi and Jounouchi both thought very hard for a couple of minutes.  
  
"You know who I bet talked about you, Kaiba-kun?" asked Yuugi.  
  
"Obviously not, or I wouldn't have asked," replied Kaiba.  
  
"There were two joggers who jogged by not to long ago!" said Yuugi in excitement. "They're raising money for the cure of insanity! I bet they talked about you!"  
  
"Good idea!" exclaimed Kaiba. "Which direction did they go?"  
  
Yuugi pointed in the direction they went, and Kaiba ran off.  
  
Meanwhile, Anzu was still searching for someone who was as big a friendship freak as she is. As she walked, she accidentally bumped right into someone.  
  
"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Anzu exclaimed, "I'm a bit upset right now and-" Anzu looked up to see the person she bumped into was none other than . . . Yami no Malik!  
  
Yami no Malik chuckled, but said nothing.  
  
"Aren't you supposed to be dead?" asked Anzu.  
  
"Not dead, my dear, trapped in darkness forever," said Yami no Malik.  
  
"Still... What are you doing here?"  
  
"Pleasing my fans!" said Yami no Malik, waving in every direction.  
  
"Oh... That's nice," said Anzu, "but I've really got to go, I'm very busy-"  
  
"Actually," said Yami no Malik, grabbing Anzu by the arm, "I wouldn't mind kidnapping you as bait for the pharaoh."  
  
"Your hikari tried that, several times," answered Anzu. "It didn't really work out. And you know why? Because I have the power of FRIENDS on my side!"  
  
Yami no Malik trembled and let out a few tears. "I've always wanted a friend..."  
  
"Awwww!" said Anzu, throwing her arms around Yami no Malik's neck, "I'll be your friend!"  
  
So Yami no Malik and Anzu walked off to be sappy friendship freaks together.  
  
Meanwhile, Kaiba was trying his hardest to find the two joggers Yuugi had referred him to. He was going to make them pay for talking about him behind his back and making him sneeze!  
  
Kaiba finally caught sight of two joggers, but they were running too fast for him to catch up. Kaiba sat down on the curb in disappointment, trying to figure out what to do. As he wallowed in his own self-pity, Yami no Malik and Anzu walked past him, holding hands.  
  
"Kaiba!" exclaimed Anzu in concern. "What's wrong with you?"  
  
Kaiba looked up at the both of them. "Shouldn't you be dead?" he asked Yami no Malik.  
  
"I'm getting really tired of people asking me that," replied Yami no Malik.  
  
"The power of FRIENDSHIP revived him!" said Anzu.  
  
"Whatever," said Kaiba. "I need to catch up with these two joggers, but they're running too fast!"  
  
"Why don't you fly?" suggested Anzu.  
  
"I'm a freaking human, I don't know how to fly."  
  
"Then ride on something that does!"  
  
"Hmm..." considered Kaiba, "that's not a bad idea!"  
  
So with that, Kaiba cooed like a pigeon until a bunch of pigeons came, and rode them off yonder.  
  
"I was going to suggest his Blue Eyes White Dragon jet, but whatever," commented Anzu, as she watched Kaiba fly away on a bunch of pigeons.  
  
Unfortunately for Kaiba, riding on a dozen pigeons wasn't as easy as he thought, and he ended up in a tree in the opposite direction he wanted to go, with a handful of dead pigeons.  
  
And to make things more chaotic, his cell phone began to ring. Shifting on the branch he was caught in, Kaiba pulled out his cell phone. "What on earth do you want?!" he demanded.  
  
"HEY NII-SAMA!" cried Mokuba on the other end.  
  
"Why are you screaming? I can hear you just fine."  
  
"OK GOOD, I GUESS. ANYWAY, NII-SAMA, ONE OF THE MAIDS AND I WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT YOU AND-"  
  
"Wait, what? You guys were talking about me? When?"  
  
"OH, I DON'T KNOW, NII-SAMA! AN HOUR AGO, MAYBE! WHY?"  
  
"That's just great," Kaiba muttered sarcastically, hanging up on his little brother.  
  
Meanwhile, Yuugi and Jounouchi were still standing outside of the Kaiba Corporation building, eating hot dogs.  
  
"Jounouch-kun, I've forgotten why we're standing here," complained Yuugi.  
  
"Just eat the hot dogs, Yuugi, nothing else matters," replied Jounouchi.  
  
"But I have a tummy ache!"  
  
"Hey, is that Kaiba?"  
  
Sure enough, Kaiba approached, though he seemed in very bad shape. He was bleeding all over, a chuck of his hair was missing, and one of his legs was facing the wrong way. It seems the tree he fell in didn't agree with him.  
  
"Oi, Kaiba!" called Jounouchi. "What's the matter with you? You've got leaves and dead pigeons in your hair."  
  
Kaiba merely glared and him and turned to Yuugi. "Did those two joggers REALLY say something about me behind my back?"  
  
Yuugi blinked. "I have no idea, it was a complete guess. Why?"  
  
At this point in time, there was a scream that could be heard from all corners of the universe.  
  
Jounouchi stared at Kaiba. "Chill man," he said, holding one of Yuugi's hot dogs in his face, "have a hot dog!"  
  
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((Author's note: "Chill man, have a hot dog!" is a quote from some Drivers' Ed film @_@  
  
And one more note: I love writing, but what I really love is editing! If any of you authors out there are looking for an editor, I'd be so honored!))


End file.
